Working on new post

As I was starting to do research for my newest blog, I decided I’d write another as I felt I needed to get stuff out of my head.

I know I could be overthinking, as it’s something I’m prone to anyway, but I’m tired of living in my head with barely anyone to talk to anymore.

I could be on edge because of a situation I had to try and stop forcing me to feel out of place since I had said something to try and stop it and it seems like it got worse.

I genuinely feel like no matter what route I go, I end up being a problem for others and I don’t feel safe in my own skin. Most likely from a lack of trusting myself.

I know I have moments where I’m not easy to deal with, just like others. But the hardest part? Not knowing what it is I’ve done wrong for others to act differently towards me. I know I come off as rude sometimes when I speak, or that I don’t pick up on social cues properly, or that I say something that I don’t realize isn’t the proper thing to say.

That’s part of having the disability I have is I don’t recognize those signs the way normal people do. All I need is proper guidance in that sense of saying I didn’t do/say something right, as I don’t always pick up on that.

But I’m not immune to picking up on changes in behavior towards me and that’s the thing I know for certain can hurt. I know I’m guilty of it as well but in some cases I may not have a choice but to distance myself or do what I need to do for the sake of my sanity.

But when I’m in a position of wondering who I can actually befriend or wondering why others decided to walk away from me, it gets me questioning am I really that bad of a person? What am I doing wrong? Is there something I need to work on and people refuse to tell me?

I guess you could consider this a prequel of my next post on mental health. But until then, I will be stuck with answers I will most likely never get. And honestly, those answers are what I need to understand how to stop these issues going forward.

Maybe the right people will come along and help but in reality, I feel like even that is not going to happen. Realistically I feel like I’m just giving up on many things anymore and no matter what I will always just be everyone else’s problem.