Thoughts

I know a lot of people will come and go in people’s lives. A normality for us as humans to learn how to interact with others.

Unfortunately, over the last few weeks and especially the last several days, there has been a small amount of people in my life who I feel are out to sabotage me in some way.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I know I have flaws as much as the next person. But I’ve had a handful of people try to convince others I’m a difficult person to deal with, or that somehow I don’t know how to do anything or am doing stuff wrong. Or that I am just not a great person whatsoever.

Am I a horrible person in my eyes? I like to think not. Do I struggle with certain things more than others? Absolutely. Does having autism make me less of a person? No, I’d like to think not. Does the way my brain processes stuff mean I’m not capable of something? No. Do certain character traits I have become difficult? Yes, and by no means does that make me feel any better about having those issues.

But despite the fact that I do have so many questions like these, it does make me wonder what others really feel about me or if I am even a person people truly care about.

Now, I understand that up to this point it may seem like I want people to feel bad for me on some level. In all honesty, I feel this is more of a post where I want to have people understand that, although dealing with people can be difficult for many, many people, it can be even harder for someone with a disability, especially one like autism.

When I say that, I mean in the context of how my brain processes each interaction I have with a person. On one hand, I can deal with a context of understanding how a person can struggle with things just as much as others can, in various different forms. What I can’t understand, is why people use those struggles to make themselves look like they really can’t do something when they can.

Or in cases where people communicate if they have a problem with how they are being treated but others don’t want to respect those boundaries or communicate back when there is a problem and expect you to just know there is one.

Yes I am aware these are very specific, but these are things I’ve dealt with recently where people seem to think it’s ok to treat others one way but hate it when they get treated the way they treat others. It just doesn’t make sense to me that people thrive off of making someone else have a downfall to make themselves feel better. It’s just weird how having this happen, while struggling with mental health makes you genuinely feel like you really are the problem even if you aren’t. I just truly wish this could change. I really do

International Autism Awareness Day

Most years, I feel it’s important to spread awareness of autism, just as much as it’s important for any other disability. I mean, it helps bring them to light and gets people to at least know the word.

But, to me, it’s more than just awareness. It’s acceptance. Acceptance that people like me don’t think like most people. That spectrum is an umbrella term for each person is different. That each person has a unique talent that comes from having an intense interest in that specific thing.

For me, the way I’m affected is hard to wrap your head around as most people have said, I’m considered one of the most high functioning autistics they’ve ever met. What I deal with is inability to pick up on some social cues, social awkwardness, which I feel has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older, narrowed special interests of hockey, Shinedown (my favorite rock band), Bruno Mars, and the paranormal.

I also deal with sensory processing issues. What that is is our brains struggle to process certain noises, lights, conversations, with various other factors added in. Basically it’s a fancy term saying our brains struggle to shut off a lot of other things around us to focus on something else.

Granted, what I deal with isn’t going to match someone else. As the saying goes “when you’ve met someone with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.”

And that comes from the fact that just because I can drive and hold a 40 hour a week job doesn’t mean that someone else can handle either of those things. Each person is different in their own ways.

And that is why awareness needs acceptance added with it. Autistic individuals all want to have friends, and to have people like them for who they are. But society has a long way to go when it comes to hidden disabilities.

And from my experiences, it hasn’t been pleasant. But a few have been great as some have seen me as more than a disability and seen me as a person, which is all we want is that kind of acceptance.

So on this day I ask that you take time to get to actually know a person with autism. It could be the greatest thing you do for that person.

Yes it’s been quite some time since my last post and I always keep saying I’m going to post more, which we all know doesn’t happen. A lot of that is I’m having a bit of trouble remembering to do them now. And partially due to trying to help where needed with my grandpa and taking time out for myself.

Now that I’ve been at my job for a couple months now, things have calmed down and I’m very happy being able to just focus on one job rather than being thrown around into multiple jobs. Granted I’m more tired from having a second shift job now instead of my all over the place hours, and its hard to get semi-adequate sleep some nights.

But I’m happy to have a consistent schedule and area to clean with a couple other places added in when needed. Which isn’t too bad and its nice to be able to have, especially towards the end of my shift since it’s easier for me than the beginning. Work wise I definitely like to stay busy, as time goes by faster and I feel like I’m doing more then I am busier.

The only thing I have an issue with is there are days where sometimes I get too far into my head and start to overthink if people like me for me, if I should mention I’m autistic, if it would help explain why I come across as “rude or aggressive,” if people would still like me despite that. A lot of times it’s typical questions/statements like these that are more common for parents than people living with it.

Some people are usually cool with knowing I can’t always help it. But others not so much. The struggles with hidden disabilities are real and makes living a “normal” life harder. And makes me wonder if explaining would even do me any good. Hopefully one day that will end for future generations that people will have the understanding I wish I could have.

I can’t remember the last post I had similar to this but I know it’s been a while. Hopefully it doesn’t turn you away. I just felt compelled to go with what I was thinking and hope it can help someone else know these are normal feelings for anyone, especially autistic parents.

New Year, New Changes

2021 definitely decided to go out with a bang for my family and I. Little did I know leaving an old job for a new one would be an adjustment I needed. But I didn’t know that a health scare with my grandpa would come with that.

Now that we are into 2022, I figured I’d give a job update now that I’ve had time to truly adjust to it.

After 3 weeks of being there, it’s definitely a lot better than I thought it would be but definitely an adjustment to learning ways to clean based off what I feel is best for me. It’s weird to think that I have 8 hours to makes classrooms look presentable to a school standard instead of a healthcare standard.

On the plus side, I’ve only had 3-day work weeks since I started which has been great so far. Two of those weeks were due to holidays. This week was due to snow days from a bad storm we had come through.

And I’ll be honest, I never thought as an adult I’d enjoy having a paid day off because of weather. Especially after working healthcare and being told you have to be here no matter what the weather is.

It’s definitely different having a laid-back environment to work in compared to a constant time crunch that you have to be in.

The coworkers I have met so far have been great and really friendly which has been nice as well. So I can’t really complain about that.

Really in all honesty, I can’t complain so far but I still need to give it some time as I haven’t been there that long either. But there have definitely been some good laughs so far with some of the coworkers.

Hopefully things keep going upwards with this change in environment and that I keep liking what I’m doing so far.

An interesting end to an intense year

Who would have thought that when I started this year that the end of it I would have a different job?

I know I sure didn’t! But I think this change is what I needed to break away from the stress burnout I was feeling at my last job.

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the people I worked with. Most of them were why I stayed as long as I did. But after a while, the work load became too hard for me to handle and I felt I needed to walk away for my mental health.

With this new job, yes it’s a lot to take in all at once, but I’ve already noticed a drop in my stress levels and I’ve been there about 2 weeks now.

For those who don’t know, I’m cleaning a local high school, or as my international followers call it, secondary school. I think that’s what most call it. I know they do in the UK but I’m not entirely sure the rest of the world does.

Now, I know this isn’t an ideal job but I’m hoping that I now can look into going back to school for an occupational therapy degree so I can help those with disabilities. Which will be nice to have and be able to do.

I hope everyone had a nice holiday. Mine was decent for the most part. Unfortunately we had a health scare with my grandpa and we believe he may have had a stroke going into Christmas Eve morning. Now because he’s 96 and already has heart issues and dementia, we didn’t want to stress him more by giving him the tests so we just did what we could to modify the way we take care of him, which is still a learning process as it’s only been a week since this happened.

Now to say the week of Christmas was stressful would be an understatement. Not only was the family dealing with new changes for my grandpa, but I had also left my old job and started a new one the same week. So many emotions hit at the same time that week that Christmas Eve I actually had my first meltdown in a long time.

It was bad enough that my mom had a lot of extra fidget toys she originally bought my grandpa that she gave some to me. And I will say it’s been amazing to have those around. They’ve helped in so many ways that I never realized I needed them. So much so that my mom, sister, and I went out for a while and I took one with me.

Trust me it helped me so much. I’m normally one that after a couple hours I’m usually bugging my parents to leave. I managed to make it about 4 hours without bugging anyone just by having that with me. It’s weird how just one small thing can make a big difference.

Hopefully the rest of your New Years Eve go really well and you have an amazing start to 2022. I look forward to writing more posts for you in the new year! Stay safe everyone!

Emotional end to the year

Monday, oh Monday. This was the last day at the job I had for 10 years. One that I never thought I’d have to walk away from. One that I needed to for my better well being.

As good as it was to say goodbye to everyone, one person I knew had me crying ugly tears from the time we said goodbye for the last time while at work.

It’s definitely been an emotional rollercoaster the last couple days adjusting to never going back there again, but also dealing with a new job that is completely different from what I’ve done.

All I’ve known is food service and now it’s cleaning a school after everyone is gone. And it’s a different environment that I need to get used too.

And that is where the autism comes into play is that this necessary change I needed is hard to get used too. Even though I was prepared that I was doing this, nothing prepared me for an insane emotional time with a different style of work environment.

Hopefully, in due time, I’m able to adjust to everything and am able to find my groove. In the meantime, it’s getting used to having a new routine that I never expected would be as hard as it is.

To those who are avid followers, thank you for dealing with my lack of posts over the year. This is something I’ve always enjoyed doing but the stress and poor mental health from my last job was so bad it was hard to keep up with doing a post as often as I’d like. Hopefully now I really will have more time to actually do this type of thing more often.

And thank you so much for your patience. It’s much appreciated!

Biggest life update

Over the course of the last few months at my job, the stress has been overwhelming to say the least. On one side of it, celebrating 10 years at one company is quite an accomplishment. On the other side of it, being in a position of knowing multiple jobs can be a downright pain when someone calls in or has to leave unexpectedly.

After several years of doing this and many, many months of thinking, I finally decided to look for a new job and see if there were any good opportunities available.

Well to my luck, someone I know was able to let me know of a job opening at a school for a custodian position to which I applied.

Little did I know this would be the job I would get. Never in a million years did I think I’d have a chance to leave my current situation for something no longer in food service.

And in all honesty it feels weird in so many different ways. Spending so many years at one place makes it hard to leave, but I know I’m ready for this new change. It’s a very different feeling to walk away from coworkers you’ve gotten to know that become family.

But at the same time, I need to walk away for the sake of my mental health. It’s definitely deteriorated since the start of the year the longer I work where I’m at. I know it’s hard to leave somewhere you’re comfortable but at the end of the day, you realize you have to do what’s best for you despite the guilt you feel walking away.

It’s the most bittersweet feeling being in this position with so many different emotions mixed in a with it. And definitely a big adjustment for anyone, autistic, disabled, or not.

Hopefully you all are having a wonderful end to your year and that with the holidays approaching, things are able to go as smoothly as possible. If I don’t post another blog soon, I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the year and a happy holidays

A chance to unwind

As I was working on journaling to help with some self care, I started to realize something. That the one type of journaling that helped me destress last year is the one I haven’t done much this year. Blogging.

Yes I realize not many people consider blogging journaling but it was a very big stress release for me last year to help me comprehend what was happening.

And unfortunately, things have been so insane in my life that being able to have true relaxing down time has been hard. The self care struggle bus has been very hard to board, especially lately. It’s been hard to want to find reasons to write. It’s been hard to want to find reasons to self-care. It’s just been hard to want to relax.

But today, I realized I needed to finally get out there that I know I’ve been struggling. To an extent that I’m very much burned out more than people realize.

The last several months, well let’s be honest the last almost 2 years, has been very draining for a lot of people. Especially ones who work in a healthcare setting. The insane changes. Multiple changes in a short time at a faster than normal rate.

Adjusting to a new normal that kept having different variations of normal. Having to cope with stress that most have never dealt with at this magnitude.

This and so much more has been very draining to the extent that a lot of my coworkers, myself included, are starting to suffer from the burnout of it all. And I genuinely do believe that this burnout is why it’s been so hard for me to post.

I really do feel mentally drained before I get to work and even worse once I leave. It’s extremely tough going through all of this.

I’ve been sleeping a lot more lately that’s how drained I’ve been. My days off never feel like days off anymore, as I barely have enough energy to do the stuff I want to do, let alone having energy to want to hang out with anyone.

Which brings me to the point of saying, journaling is something that has helped me feel connected to others without feeling alone. Even if I truly do feel alone but too scared to reach out to people.

It sounds weird but with the last few months we’ve all dealt with, it’s probably the most normal thing we’ve all felt at some point.

To those that are regular readers, thank you for dealing with my lack of posts. I know they are very sporadic and mostly short lately. But now that I’m figuring out ways to help me do self-care, I’m hoping I can do this more often as I know it helps clear my head of the clutter.

Hard time with writing

I know the last post I made I had said I was planning on trying to write more. That I had set up days to remind myself to write.

Unfortunately, things have been so crazy I haven’t been able to do so. Which is truly unfortunate because I do enjoy writing.

Things at work have been, to say the least, stressful, being short staffed. Yes I am aware it’s happening all over the place at many different lines of work. And it is very much a burnout situation for many people.

I get it. It’s been hard on a lot of those I work with, so I can only imagine how others feel as well.

I won’t get to talking too much about it as I’m trying to stay in a wishful thinking position that things will get better.

On another note, earlier this summer I was connected to a small group at the church I attend. It’s been very much a learning experience for me to be involved with something like that, as I never thought a small group would be for me.

To those who don’t know, a small group, at least in America, is a group of people who study different parts of the bible in a smaller setting than what a church is able to do. We are able to give our opinions and interpretations of what different passages mean to us and how they relate to they ways of what God wants us to do.

Yes I am aware not everyone is going to want to hear about religion who reads this. And I am also aware that what works for me won’t always work for others. But I do genuinely think this has helped me, being in this setting, to know that I’m not the only person who struggles in ways that can be harder than others. Ways like mental health, relationships, friendships, work, and overall life in general.

And it also helps me to know that I do have ways to help myself heal outside of just having therapy and self-help care to overcome what I deal with.

Life has definitely been hard lately in home life though. My family is struggling to get my grandfather the help he needs, not because we aren’t doing it well, but because he has needs that are more complicated than most people.

I won’t give details. It’s just harder to get the right help and sad to see him going downhill the way he is. But we are trying the best we can and that’s all we can do.

Hopefully you all are doing well and things continue to get better for you. If not, I hope things eventually get better as time goes on.

Quick update

So this platform had an update on my phone that is fairly new. The user is able to schedule days to be able to write posts if the reminder is needed.

For someone like me who has struggled to not only have things to talk about but also remember to make a post, let alone finish one if I’ve started it, this is an amazing feature for me.

I’m hoping by setting this up, and possibly making adjustments on the days I want to post, it will help me to get back into blogging again and I can eventually get back into researched posts.

Trust me, it’s been hard the last few months not writing a whole lot but it’s been harder to find the will to write about anything at all.

There was a huge part of me that didn’t want to just make a post about all the depression and anxiety I have every single time I would have written. Not that it’s not who I am, but more not to burden others with a mindset of downer-style posts.

After a while those can get boring and attention seeking and no one really wants to deal with that all the time. One might slip through once in a while going forward, but I will try not to make every post about that.

I hope you all are enjoying your weekend. It’s really nice out where I’m at and got to enjoy some time outside. Have a wonderful rest of your weekend!

New update with great results

Since my last post, I’ve had some things happening for the better. Yes I talked about my positive mindset last time, and that is still going strong.

It’s kind of weird but at this point it’s much better for me accepting it than it was when it started. Especially now that I’ve bee accustomed to it.

Another big update is that for the first time in God knows how long, I’m going on 3 days straight of no anxiety or other co-morbid issues with that and I’m loving every second of this. It’s been quite some time where I’ve been this content with everything going on.

On the autism side of things, something I don’t think I’ve talked about in a while, things have been fairly good. Yes I have moments, I can’t be 100% all the time. But it’s been under control for the most part for several months now. I haven’t had a major meltdown in at least two months, and haven’t had many since the start of covid.

I’ve had a few days here and there where sensory issues have been over the top for me. But things are actually fairly good for me as far as how my brain has been able to handle everything that’s been going on lately.

It’s crazy to think that I have been handling my autism better than my anxiety lately. Usually it’s been the other way around.

But like I had mentioned earlier, both have actually been under control the last few days and it’s been great.

Maybe this positive mindset is something that can actually help with both in controlling how calm I can stay. Or maybe it just so happens to be the timing of when I started the positivity, like it’s a contributing factor but not the sole purpose.

Who knows what the reasoning is, but I am going to keep doing what I’m doing and hope for even better days going forward in hopes of making things even better for me and others around me.

Hopefully you all are doing wonderful and everything is going fairly well in your life.

If it’s a rough patch, I hope you are able to pull out and that things look better for you in the process. I know it’s always hard to see that but things do always get better.

Long time without an update

So, I know it’s been a while since an update, but I’ve been having issues getting motivated to do so. But a lot has changed in the last month or so since I last updated.

I have been trying to find ways to become a more positive individual as that’s been something I’ve struggled with for quite a while. Mostly due to having poor coping skills with anxiety and depression, allowing both to consume me instead of having the feelings and taking control of them before they get out of hand.

Well I finally found something that helps me. I happened to come across a gratitude journal at a store a couple weeks ago and it’s been making a huge difference for me. It’s one where you start your day stating your intentions in a positive way and ending with how your day went positively.

And it’s actually doing something a lot more than I thought it would. It’s something I took a chance on and it’s become a great part of my routine that it’s crazy how much it worked.

Trust me when I say this, impulse purchases are not something I usually do and this is one of the best impulse bits I’ve ever had.

Yes I know everyone has there own ways of coping with whatever they deal with but this is one way that I definitely recommend for people who are striving for a more positive mindset and are at a loss with how they can try to do so.

But now that I’ve said this, I’m hoping I didn’t jynx myself with it working. I hope it continues and things keep going well on a mental mindset.

Don’t get me wrong, I know doing these types of things for me have been helpful for positivity. But that doesn’t mean I don’t let myself have an off day or two. The best thing I have is the ability to allow myself to have bad days but still have the reminder that I am in control of how bad that day becomes.

And that’s what’s been making a difference is not only thinking it but having already written it down, many days in a row, that it has become ingrained in my brain. An impulse purchase caused such a positive change that I feel better saying that I am finally on a better path now that I was a few months ago.

I hope all of you are doing well. I hoe things begin to look up for you and get you back on track if you are struggling. You got this and keep trying your best.

Many trials, no relief

Anyone out there been so stressed out that stuff you usually do to calm yourself down isn’t helping and your desperate to find relief?

Well, lately that’s been me. Anxiety sky high with what seems like no relief. Work becoming more and more short-staffed by the week that you wonder how your going to make it. It’s been just a whirlwind of insane chaos that I have no idea how people can handle dealing with that plus home life.

It’s been so bad that I can’t seem to relax from my high stress mode. I know it’s a tough time for a lot of places right now so I know it’s not just my place of employment. It’s just a hard thing to get through when your losing people faster than you can even consider hiring someone else.

I just hope things are able to get better. That somehow I can find a way to be relieved of the stress. And get back to some form of normalcy.

I try to keep things light at work and at least be a light of hope in a stressful environment, which ai think has been helping a lot of people. Laughter makes things more bearable.

I’m just hoping I can find other things that can help me relieve my stressors while at home. If anyone has anything that can help, please comment what works for you so I can try it out

Hard to function

Normally I try to write posts about a positive light. This time, not so much. Things haven’t been exactly great to a level that I just don’t feel like I’m doing that great of a job at work.

It literally feels like I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of everything happening in my life being unfortunately hard, that depression, anxiety, and my autism aren’t capable of handling any more.

Not to make this sound like I’m the only one who has problems. I know we all do and that life is hard for a lot of people. Trust me, I get it. We all struggle with our own issues and no one’s issues are less significant than anyone else’s.

People are allowed to have those moments as much as the next person. But unfortunately I just feel like I’m in a position where I’m just causing too many problems for others because of my own struggles.

I just don’t know how much more I can handle of this issue I keep causing without stopping. I could just be so stressed that I’m overthinking all of this but I just feel like nothing I do anymore is going to be good enough.

As I was writing this post, a song by Breaking Benjamin, a hard rock band for those who don’t know who they are, came on my Spotify that reminds me of how I feel. The song is called What Lies Beneath and I highly suggest looking up the song. I feel like a lot of people can relate to this song.

In a lot of ways I feel like I’ve been on the receiving end of damage and that I’ve been the person who does the damage. And I know I have the problem. I just don’t know how to fix what happens to stop it.

I’m sorry of this is all over the place. It’s hard to keep everything on track when your brain can’t stop moving. I hope this post was readible and not too crazy confusing. I know it’s a very vague post but I don’t want to go into too much detail. I just hope I can find ways to get through things without causing more issues.

Autism, emotions, and how it affects us

The time has come for me to finally write and post the long awaited blog of autism and emotions.

I apologize for this long wait as I kept reminding myself and then forgetting in a vicious cycle.

But I’ve definitely wanted to put in some work for this as I know emotional states can be a lot harder on those with autism than they can others.

To start this off, every site I’ve gone to has stated that autistic individuals have a harder time recognizing emotions in not only others, but themselves as well. This is contrary belief to researchers stating that we don’t feel emotions whatsoever.

In fact, we are more overwhelmed by the emotions we feel more than anything, which can be a big cause of a lot of the meltdowns that happen. Including those individuals who get violent meltdowns. I know I’ve been there and it’s not fun.

But the big reason behind why I wanted to write this post was some of the autism groups I’m in on Facebook have talked a lot lately about how a parent is struggling with their child due to all their routines being changed because of the pandemic.

I know a lot of people have been dealing with a lot of changes, and I totally get that. Changes to this extreme are hard on anyone. But what is it that causes the autism brain to react even harder than others when something in their life has been changed drastically?

Why do people on the spectrum have an overwhelming response to things that are out of their control?

And why do we have a harder time regulating our emotions?

As far as things being out of control, from my experience, it feels like a loss of self when the things around you are changing so much faster than normal that it’s hard to gain control. It’s harder to want to adjust when the unknown keeps adjusting.

It’s a scary sense of never knowing what will ever happen again and trying to find ways to adapt while having to battle inner, and in a lot of other cases outer demons, that don’t seem to be in our control.

Which is why people on the spectrum prefer routines. It gives them the chance to unwind and have a sense of consistent security in their lives.

But how does this affect the ability to regulate our emotions?

I know for me, having that routine helps me to keep my emotions in check. It helps me to have a regulatory sense of self, knowing that I’m ok, and I’m able to find ways to release emotional tension.

But on the flip side, not being able to have a routine can cause a meltdown.

To retouch on meltdowns, a meltdown is a what happens when someone is overwhelmed by their emotions, situation, sounds, or too much going on. Whatever it is that is your final trigger, meltdowns are a result of too much of everything going on and is a way of releasing those emotions.

This is where I want to elaborate more with not just meltdowns but emotions in general.

From my experience, autistic individuals deal with emotions on a grander scale than others. When we are excited, we are very, very excited. When we have a meltdown, it can be a very extreme meltdown. As in there is potential for holes in walls and doors, hurting other people, hurting yourself, or full on extreme crying.

Most people assume meltdowns are tantrums, which never is the case. Tantrums are a result of not getting what you want. Meltdowns are a result of the brain processing too much all at once.

And because of meltdowns, happiness, sadness, anger, and whatever else you experience, I truly believe that emotional regulation is based off of having a routine of some sort. It helps us know that there are certain things that we have to look forward to that will help us keep calm.

I know I tried many times to look up autism and emotions and I didn’t get anywhere except for ways to help a person avoid having a full blown meltdown. Which, I do agree is a way to be able to help but the ways that were suggested can differ from person to person.

Some suggestions were: keep a lookout for triggers while out shopping, bring noise cancelling headphones in case of loud noises, keep an eye out for change in behavior, etc.

Granted yes these are simple but, anyone who has an autistic child or adult in their life is mostly prepared for these suggestions anyway. Which is why I chose not to add them.

But I do want to say, if you have moments of needed to break a child or adult’s routine, I highly suggest bringing that change up to them as far ahead of the change as possible and as many times as needed leading up to it. As well as guiding through the transition of that change.

I will add, this does not apply to everyone as some are more easy going about changes than others but to avoid others having a meltdown and helping out with emotional regulation, I do suggest going with the things I have listed.

But, you know your autistic person and I will keep saying this, do what’s best for that person.

I hope this was a decent post for you all and I’m so sorry this took longer than anticipated for it to finally be posted. Thank you for your patience and sticking with me through this

Long time, no posts, lots of updates

So over the course of the last few months, things have definitely been quite hectic. Lots of changes that have been happening at my job, mixed with lots of changes at home and my personal life that I’ve been having a hard time trying to make a post.

It’s been so crazy that I have a post started about autism individuals and how they handle their emotions and mental state that I still have yet to finish!

To start out, I’ve been working with a therapist since about mid January on trying to find ways to better my mental state, and so far things are definitely a bit rocky, but I’m better off now than I was when I started.

I’ve gotten a lot better at understanding that I can only do so much to control my reactions to others and it’s been working a lot better than it used too knowing that.

I say that as I have unfortunately had to stop talking about personal stuff with a coworker I used to talk to all the time as I was tired of the work related treatment I was receiving. I know in those moments that there were things I may have not done, and yes a lot of that was my mental state wasn’t in a good place. But I am human and things are going to get overlooked or not done properly.

But I won’t get too much into that whole situation.

On top of learning how to control myself in tough situations, I’ve gotten a better handle on knowing how to look at someone’s past and present on why people act the way that they do and rationalizing that how a person acts is a reflection of who they are.

Ive also been trying to work on, and this one is a lot tougher, trying to view myself in a better way than the negativity that I’ve unfortunately grown accustomed to over the years. I’ve tried positive affirmations videos a little bit and I’m trying to work on focusing on the positives and diverting my negative thoughts when they happen, and keeping a journal of them. Hopefully I can find other ways with those and if anyone has any ideas please help out!

On top of all these things, we become unfortunately short staffed at my job and that’s been very taxing mentally, especially when your already mentally taxed. But we are all doing our best and making things happen.

Hopefully in the nearer future I am able to actually work on and finish the post of autism and emotions and get that up. I know I’ve said that before but with everything I’ve talked about, it’s definitely been a rough time all around to try to get to it.

Eventual researched post soon

I know it’s been a while since my last post but I just thought I’d give a quick update.

It’s been hard lately to want to write, not that I don’t want too, but that I am trying to come up with a post that fits a lot of people with autism.

A post about mental health, as I just am now coming out of a mental health fog.

It’s one that’s not only going to be beneficial for people with autism, but those who work with or love someone with autism.

As well with talking about mental, I am planning on adding in a section of how to help with emotional regulation, as that seems fitting for mental health issues.

I know it seems ridiculous to want to constantly talk mental health, but in all honesty, a lot of people deal with it, especially right now with everything so unsettling that I feel it’s an important reminder for everyone.

I hope everyone is still trying to stay safe where they are. To the European readers I have, I hope your mentality it’s ok as I know a lot of you are on strict lockdowns right now. Try to keep your head up as best as you can and try to video chat or call friends to try and stay as sane as possible.

Good luck to all of you!

The blessings of writing

The one thing I absolutely love about blogging is the fact that I feel in some way it can help someone out in ways that neither myself or the reader is expected. Yes, I did fall off the rails with a couple posts last year being a bit redundant about the pandemic, but let’s be honest: how many of us have really gone through one before?

I mean isn’t it new territory navigating it for everyone?
That being said, yes I talked a little too much about something that can’t exactly change right now but have a positive outlook that things are starting to look up.

All that aside, this post wasn’t meant to be about that. I wanted to actually get a chance to say how awesome it feels to have someone reblog my posts. It gives me a sense of accomplishment that someone liked what they read enough to share it with others.

And in just 4 short years I’ve covered such a variety of topics from research to feelings and everything in between where I’ve managed to obtain 47 followers and reach many different countries, United States predominantly.

This year, I am actually going to get back to researching different topics that I’ve been learning about in different autism groups I’m in online and hoping that will be beneficial for others here as well. I want to be able to reach even more people, even if it takes a few years.

To followers new and old, thank you for your support and continuing to read, even when my posts get a little boring or repeatitive.

New year, semi-new ways

Well, as we are 7 days into a new year, I can already say I’m done with this year. In so many ways I’m done. But, I can’t control what decides to happen this year. I can only control myself.

And unfortunately, it’s been an ongoing struggle to be able to control things in that regard. A lot of personal struggles that I’ve been dealing with and I’m at a crossroads.

In some ways, I’m trying to pick up better habits for myself in dealing with my depression. For example, over the holidays, I had received some gifts meant to help with some form of release in a way of being able to help maintain a level of calm in my brain.

What I mean is I received a meditation book with putty to help me focus on something other than my thoughts, a journal for happiness and one for bravery, a triple card deck of different cards for positivity, good deeds and reducing stress, and a christian gratitude journal.

Stuff to help promote good mental health practices.

Unfortunately, because it’s not part of my normal autism routine, I’m having a hard time adjusting to doing any of them. When I do any of them, good things do happens. But like any good mental health journey, practice helps keep things going well.

And when you don’t take those efforts, well things can be a rocky road of darkness. A road that can vary for every person.

And that’s where things can get hard for me on a mental health and autism side.

My mentality says, well screams, get help.

My autism says, I see I need help but it’s out of sight out of mind. But most cases in sight out of mind because my blinders are on in the sense of getting help.

Not that I don’t want to get it, it’s just hard for people with autism to make executive functioning decisions like that. Not that it’s impossible and that there are ones who are fully capable on their own without daily reminders.

It’s just an as a whole thing that we tend to struggle in certain aspects of maintaining some of healthy lifestyle.

But as I kind of hinted at, each person with autism is different and there are some who are fully capable of things like that. That’s why it’s a spectrum.

I do hope that it makes sense though. I’m trying to explain in a way that makes sense, but unfortunately I’m listening to music and trying to think of what I’m typing and I can’t seem to focus this time around haha.

Maybe one day I can do a bit of research behind people on the spectrum and their lack of care for themselves. Like why it’s harder for a vast majority to remember to do things that most understand needs to happen. Like doctors appointments, mental health help, and other topics as well. Just an idea.

But anyway, as I was saying, I’m trying to incorporate these things I had received to hopefully help myself become more positive or at least try not to be so hard on myself.

That’s is going to be my goal this year. Especially how last year drained so many people on a mental level that was so hard to handle all around. And I really do mean this in all aspects, please do seek out help if you are struggling. I know first hand it’s easier said than done but I know it can make a life change in many great ways.

Blackness in a world of changes

Ever have those moments where you can’t seem to come up things to write about? Like, you know you want to write something but can’t even come up with something that hasn’t been said 1,000 times over?

Well that’s been me the last couple months. A mental fog that I can’t seem to break. A writer’s block if you will.

It also doesn’t help me that I’ve been getting discouraged by the lack of views I’ve been getting lately. Like, I want to keep writing but I’m not able to write if people don’t seem to want to read. I know there are a handful that will on a regular but sometimes it feels pointless.

That could just be my mentality at this point getting me discouraged. I don’t think I could give this up yet. I want to still try and help others in some way.

On a positive note, I’m really starting to like some of the changes happening at my job. We started changing over to new management about 2 months ago and it’s so far been a great thing so far.

The new executive chef has been very helpful in the kitchen and it’s been crazy to see but in a good way. He’s super helpful and very good at teaching people ways to do things with cooking. Its awesome.

Our new dining services director complimented me yesterday on how he can tell that I’m a very strong, confident, hard working and focused individual. Something I wasn’t expecting to hear but grateful that someone sees me in a way I didn’t realize I was doing. An unexpected compliment that actually put a bright spot in my year that I didn’t realize I needed.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and new year and make the most of the rest of this year