I know a lot of people will come and go in people’s lives. A normality for us as humans to learn how to interact with others.
Unfortunately, over the last few weeks and especially the last several days, there has been a small amount of people in my life who I feel are out to sabotage me in some way.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know I have flaws as much as the next person. But I’ve had a handful of people try to convince others I’m a difficult person to deal with, or that somehow I don’t know how to do anything or am doing stuff wrong. Or that I am just not a great person whatsoever.
Am I a horrible person in my eyes? I like to think not. Do I struggle with certain things more than others? Absolutely. Does having autism make me less of a person? No, I’d like to think not. Does the way my brain processes stuff mean I’m not capable of something? No. Do certain character traits I have become difficult? Yes, and by no means does that make me feel any better about having those issues.
But despite the fact that I do have so many questions like these, it does make me wonder what others really feel about me or if I am even a person people truly care about.
Now, I understand that up to this point it may seem like I want people to feel bad for me on some level. In all honesty, I feel this is more of a post where I want to have people understand that, although dealing with people can be difficult for many, many people, it can be even harder for someone with a disability, especially one like autism.
When I say that, I mean in the context of how my brain processes each interaction I have with a person. On one hand, I can deal with a context of understanding how a person can struggle with things just as much as others can, in various different forms. What I can’t understand, is why people use those struggles to make themselves look like they really can’t do something when they can.
Or in cases where people communicate if they have a problem with how they are being treated but others don’t want to respect those boundaries or communicate back when there is a problem and expect you to just know there is one.
Yes I am aware these are very specific, but these are things I’ve dealt with recently where people seem to think it’s ok to treat others one way but hate it when they get treated the way they treat others. It just doesn’t make sense to me that people thrive off of making someone else have a downfall to make themselves feel better. It’s just weird how having this happen, while struggling with mental health makes you genuinely feel like you really are the problem even if you aren’t. I just truly wish this could change. I really do