Well, to say its been a crazy whirlwind the last month would be an understatement. Just over a month ago, I started taking an anxiety/antidepressant med and its been crazy at how well its been working for me.
I’ve been able to think clearer. I’m able to focus more. So many great things have happened since starting.
The only downfall, if you can call it that, is I’m getting used to just having to cope with autism all the time.
Its a different feeling when your not used to just that.
Things I used to be afraid of are no longer a fear. Spiders and heights used to be things that bothered me. Not anymore. Its like I have no concept of fear anymore.
Well, maybe not any concept but just more that I’m not afraid to face things anymore.
I’ve only had small bouts of onset anxiety lasting no more than 30 seconds each time.
I’ve been humming songs to keep myself entertained while I’m at work and staying busy to pass time. (I never used to do this before.)
Shoot, last Saturday my boyfriend took me to see Bruno Mars, and I love me some Bruno Mars, and I wasn’t afraid of letting myself be different and get excited about it around a bunch of people. I was hand-flapping and making noises from so much excitement and didn’t care. My boyfriend even let me do it without stopping me but also made sure I was paying attention to my surroundings.
All of that has never happened before the med because I was normally self conscious about it from an anxiety standpoint. Now, its like I’m not afraid of being different and I’m starting to really like this change.
I spent so many years hiding my autism because I knew I’d be judged. I still hide certain aspects at certain times but I’m not as bad about hiding it all the time anymore.
To me, this is a big improvement. And one that I am glad I’m getting to experience.