Abilities of a person with a disability

This post will be a little different. This will be one that opens discussions of how a parent, sibling, friend, boy/girlfriend, co-worker, spouse or whatever your relationship to a person with a disability is and how you should treat a person with one.

I recently had a conversation with someone about how a person with autism should be treated where they can make their own decisions in life as to what they want out of it. Like making the decision to live out a dream they’ve wanted for so long.

So the question I have is do you allow someone with a disability to be able to live a life they want to the best of their ability so they can attepmt to be normal? Or do you treat them the way the media exemplifies persons with a disability and make it so they cannot live to their full potential?

I only ask because its something that has been a problem for some and not others and want to get a range of people’s opinions on what do you do with a person who has some sort of disability.

Personally, I feel that a person who has a disability should be treated like everyone else. Because like others, they have different abilities that make them unique and should be living up to that, not be drawn down to where others think they should be.

Let me know what you think. This is a topic not too often talked about but one that needs to be addressed.


New Things Ahead

Man I have had a quite productive week/weekend.

People at my job were only slightly stressed out Friday night. Only because we had a semi bad snow storm and had lots of call ins from the crazy weather.

Actually we’ve had a lot of crazy weather where I live the past week. It hasn’t been fun in the least bit. I’m not a fan of back-to-back-to-back snow storms resulting in like 20-plus inches of snow. Makes for a terrible commute.

Plus its been the snow storms where it comes down at a rate that’s not easy to keep up with at all making the roads a slushy and snowy mess. And plows can’t keep up either making it all the more difficult.

But Friday had to have been one of the worse call in days I’ve seen at work in a while. Stupid weather…

Speaking of work, I had an interestingly split up 4 day work week. I had Wednesday off because I had tickets to a hockey game that interfered with my work schedule. So instead of getting out early I just took a personal day.

Got to hang out with an amazing person, who I have mentioned many times before. To those who have not read my previous posts, this person has helped me a tremendous amount with my anxiety. Gives me tips, helps calm me down during an attack, has actually helped me become mpre social bit by bit (which anyone who understands anxiety and autism knows that can be a very big struggle) and understands everything I deal with and where I come from.

Why you ask?

This person also struggles with anxiety and has been through exactly what I have.

So I was able to hang out with him for a few hours and then when it was gettimg closer to game time, drove me to the arena to meet up with another friend for the game.

The game was awesome. My team won 4-2 and a fight happened which made it even better. And I had a fun time.

But I still had to go back to work the next day sadly. All good things have to come to an end right?

Definitely threw off my internal clock though. Legit thought Thursday was Wednesday and Friday was Thursday.

Then came the weekend and now Sunday night is here and I am kinda nervous about Wednesday morning.

I have a job interview that I shouldn’t be nervous about but nonetheless still nervous for. Its been a while since I’ve had an interview so I’m scared I may mess it up a little.

I’m just trying to hold my head up and think positive about it.

But its also a good learning experience too which is nice.

Just hope things will work out in some form.

New Kind of Normal

As I sit here this morning reading posts by parents who have kids with autism, I started to realize a thing or two about myself.

To those who don’t know, when I went through my autism testing years ago, doctors came back with a most likely has it. It was never officially comfirmed but at the time, a lot of my symptoms protrayed having it.

And for years, with lots of research, I agreed that I had it.

A few years after my intial diagnosis, my parents got me in to get another testing done to see if it was a for sure thing I had it.

And I could tell you that at the time it seemed like I did.

Fast forward to late fall of last year. I started taking melatonin to help my sleep. Although there are times it doesn’t always work for that, there are things I’ve noticed that have changed in me.

My OCD has basically become non-existent. My ADHD is more miss than hit. I’m not getting nearly as outwardly overwhelmed as I used to be. And the only thing that has become more prevalent is sensory issues.

As of this morning, aside from working on my anxiety issues, sensory issues are the only autistic trait that I have since taking melatonin.

I actually feel the most normal I’ve ever been since getting my original diagnosis. I feel like I have so little autistic traits that I’m not actually defined by that word and seem more neurotypical than autistic.

Its weird to feel this way. But its awesome to sit back and think of how much has changed since I started melatonin. Its like my brain equalled itself out in some weird way.

Its weird to think about. And seeing all these posts about parents having all these issues with their kids that are normal for those with autism and then looking at myself and seeing how far I’ve come just since taking melatonin is crazy.

I don’t feel like the same person anymore. Its weird to get used too. And I’m not sure if I ever will.

But I’ll take it!

A slightly stressful week

So another week has passed.

Another week of anxiety and stress had hit.

Its been a while since this has happened.

It definitely started out as being a great week. Hung out with some friends on Sunday, played some hockey, pretty good day.

Monday wasn’t too bad either. All the positive vibes lingered from the weekend and made work enjoyable.

Tuesday was starting out the same way. Then a text from management kicked in my anxiety.

I was needed to do waitstaff at my job for lunch.

This was the first time in 3 months I’ve done this job and anxiety was not my friend.

It had nothing to do with doing a new job, I’m used to being thrown around. It was the fact that I had to break my social anxiety and converse with people I’ve never talked too and do stuff in a new method that was implemented 2 months ago.

I actually started developing hives on my arm from being overwhelmed from this situation.

The good news is I made it and didn’t back out!

The bad news is the anxiety stayed the rest of the day and gave me a mild panic attack while I was asleep that night. Gotta say that was an experience and a first. I hope I never get another.

Well to say the least the rest of my work week didn’t go very well. A lot happened that I wish I could say but can’t but it just wasn’t working out in my favor.

Sadly I’d start every day happy and end it miserable. That’s just the kind of week I had.

Luckily the week is over and I get to enjoy some stress free fun with some friends, play a hockey game, and watch the Super Bowl so things will be good.

I just hope I can go back into work next Monday with some positivity and hope things turn out better. A lot better.

Yes, work can get stressful but next week is a new week to get things better and on the right track as hard as that can be.

But I’m sure things will work itself out. They always do in the end.

Amazing Weekend Fun

Man oh man I don’t even know where to begin with this one. So much happened in a short period of time it was hard to process everything all at once.

What started out as an anxiousness of a 3 day weekend turned into one I don’t think I can ever forget.

Friday was an interesting travel day. I went down to the city were supposed to be in with some friends and a team mate of mine. Man that was an interesting day.

So many interesting things had happened and yet it was an amazing amount of fun.

Other than a few minor things it was a fun night in the hotel.

Like how can a view like that be passed up? It waa pretty nice to see that.

That was a pretty cool view too. The bridge in the background actually goes to Canada so it was awesome to see at night instead of the daytime.

Aside from these views I got to play hide and seek with my favorite little buddy (who apparently says I’m getting married to him. He’s 7 lol) in the hotel room. Also managed to get quite a few cuddles from him in the car and in the hotel.

The only downfall I had was having anxiety about falling asleep in an unfamiliar environment. I did struggle a bit but the beds didn’t help it either. They were uncomfortable.

Aside from that the next day was incredible.

All of that was the calm before the storm. An amazing moment of having the chance to play on the same ice as my favorite team. A chance most never get to do.

Yes it was hard work playing but in the end, the hard work made it an amazing memory that will last a lifetime.

I still struggle with how incredible that moment was. It hasn’t truly sunk in yet. And it may take time for that to happen.

But all in all, I had the best time ever.

Shoot, I still had enough energy after playing my heart out to go to church, practice and out with a couple friends yesterday.

Apparently staying busy is something I enjoy doing now haha. But that’s all right by me. I had a good weekend.

After a long day Saturday, this amazing team mates of mine, as well as myself, were worn out. But had a lot of fun.

And I don’t think any of us could take away the amazing time we had with each other!

Hockey fun weekend ahead

This weekend is an upcoming interestingly fun filled weekend of firsts for me.

I am partaking in my first ever hockey tournament.

I am living out a 16 year long dream of playing on the same ice as my favorite hockey team.

And to top it all off I am rooming with a few people from my team overnight the day before the tournament.

Yes there is a lot of excitement that I am very glad to be a part of this weekend. Definitely something to look forward too.

But of all things I am most nervous about is sharing a room with people from my team. Not that I have anything against them or being in the same room. Its just not something I’m used too by any means.

This weekend will be an AMAZING weekend and I know that. I also am aware I am working myself up over something as small as sharing a room kind of thing.

But when you aren’t used to it, especially with people you don’t see too often, it can be a challenge.

This is going to be a crazy whirlwind of emotions.

But I know for a fact that this is the first time I can say I actually cannot back out of doing this. I for once have to actually face my fear head on and make it happen.

It will be a challenge. I know it will.

But the only way to conquer your fears is to tackle them head on. Its the only way to make sure that you know things will be ok in the end.

The only way to know that nothing is as bad as it actually is.

This is a very different thing to go through when its outside of your comfort zone.

Maybe going through with this is my subconscious saying 2018 is the year you will finally kick butt and make stuff happen to lessen all the anxiety, all those fears from your past.

Let’s just hope the support system I have is right in saying I got this.

That everything will be ok.

A spontaniously good weekend

This weekend marked the first time I was able to actually go hang out with people either within a few hours notice or on the fly without actually having anxiety issues.

On Saturday, I went and hung out with a friend at a hockey game almost short notice. But it was awesome.

Had a pretty good time aside from a few sensory issues and being a bit overtired and was on a bit of an emotional struggle bus.

The team I was supporting that night won and it was pretty awesome.

Sunday. Oh how Sunday was an interestingly amazing day.

I went back to church again with the same 2 friends from last week. And I got to meet a friend of mine’s mom in person as well which was awesome.

I had enough time when I got home to chill out for a little and went to my hockey team’s annual jersey day where all new players on the team get a jersey. This year, everyone got a white game jersey as well.

After this ordeal, we had our practice as usual and after, if we wanted, we could go downtown at the outdoor rink and participate in what we call a Great Skate.

What that is is its a chance to interact with players from our pro hockey team and skate with them, bid on different items at an auction where the money goes to a youth hockeg foundation and just hang out with friends.

I wasn’t planning on going but at the last minutr decided to and had a blast!

These are some of the pictures from that event. The trophy in two of them was the championship the team I support won back in June. It was pretty cool to be there with it.

But as a whole I had a very good anxiety free weekend and look forward to the next time it happens.

Semi life changing events

Since Friday night, I have had a recent turn around of events happen where my outlook on things in my life have changed.

Saturday morning, as hard as it was, I had to say goodbye to my grandpa one last time. We held his funeral on Saturday and it was a very nice service. Learned a few things I never knew and also witnessed my very first military funeral.

He served way back in the day during the Korean War and they gave military honors at this funeral. It was something that was very cool to watch happen right in front of you. Something most people don’t actually get to see. I was glad I was able to witness one final goodbye like that.

After the service we had a luncheon at the church him and my grandma used to attend when they were both alive and well.

I handle that quite well for a while. After about 2 hours, I started having overwhelming feelings of being exposed to too many people, 85% of them I didn’t know, for too long and it became too much to handle.

Luckily my parents knew and after a while we left.

We got home and had a few things to try and accomplish now that my grandparents are with our family. So it was mad cleaning and organizing for a few hours, which got a little chaotic for a bit.

After that things calmed down and everyone chilled out for the rest of the night.

Well the next morning I had a first in at least 2 years that changed my life for the better. 

A friend of mine invited me to attend a church service with him and a mutual friend.

And I gladly accepted.

It was interesting and opened my eyes to something my friend had tried to do a month or so before. And it honestly was a nice change from my usual sit around on Sunday mornings doing nothing.

It even affected how I played at my hockey practice. Had one of the best practices I’ve had in a long time. Even started learning how to do slap shots and it went quite well. Also kinda scared about how much power I actually have.

And since I went to that service, my anxiety lessened dramtically.

So much so that my first day of work since going to that service went relatively smooth, minus one short period of time I got a little bit overwhelmed.

I spent the whole day in a fairly good mood. Not once slipped into an anxiety/depression mood by the time evening hit. Even stayed relatively calm without having major, or any, mood swings at all.

I’d say this was the final piece of the puzzle I needed to make the change I truly needed to finally become the person I dreamt about.

The Week of Ups and Downs

This has been one week where I can say its ending on a better note than it started.

I was not having a good day at all Sunday. Other than being able to play hockey and cuddle a 7yr old, I was very down and it trickled a little bit into Monday.

The next 4 days were interesting. I started them out pretty good but things went down the anxious tunnel by the time the work night was winding down.

The reason being I was overly worked up about the with that my family grew from 4 to 6, with the addition of my grandparents now living with my family.

Its a pretty different adjustment and I’m slowly starting to get used to it.

But its different to have. Espcially when your anxiety makes you feel like you can’t be your true autistic self in your own comfort zone.

But luckily I handled it better than I thought and in all honesty it was just my anxiety working me up over the change. It still can be an adjustment for anyone, autistic or not so its ok.

Today was interesting. It started out fine, until I got to work. Then it went downhill REALLY fast. Luckily it went on the upswing to end the night.

But being in the verge of wanting to quit because of the way things are or aren’t happening are making it hard to stay. I am just holding out hope things will get better.

Luckily the week of chaotic work and anxiety fluxuations is over and I have a couple days to unwind and look forward to a new week starting.

Handling emotional state of mind

Yes, this is something we can all relate too. Trying to handle regulating our emotional state while trying to make it through each day hoping a major disaster doesn’t blow it.

But what got me thinking is does one who deals with autism have a harder time managing emotions more than others?

Is this something that defies the vast majority of those on the spectrum?

Like, are those with autism able to actually comprehend AND deal with emotions at the same time while trying to keep them in check?

Or is emotional regulation just something that is too much to handle? Is that something that causes the agressive outbursts? Or is this just part of the issue?

This is something that makes me wonder if it can or will be researched. Or if its just another part of an unsolved portion of autism that may not ever be touched. 

Today was a day I thought about this and wondered if its an autism thing to struggle really badly or if all humans just struggle.

I know my downfall is keeping things inside and then blowing up after a while, which is never good. But I wonder if its just my personality or if my autism plays a part in it.

Something to just think about. I hope answers do come one day.